WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
- Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior that can include physical abuse, emotional or psychological abuse, sexual abuse or financial abuse (using money and financial tools to exert control).
- Domestic violence is a pervasive, life-threatening crime that affects millions of individuals across the United States regardless of age, economic status, race, religion or education.
- High-profile cases of domestic violence will attract headlines, but thousands of people experience domestic abuse every day. They come from all walks of life.
- In a 24-hour survey, NNEDV found that U.S. domestic violence programs served nearly 65,321 victims and answered more than 23,045 crisis hotline calls in one day alone.
- Batterers make it very difficult for victims to escape relationships. Sadly, many survivors suffer from abuse for decades.
- It’s important for survivors to know that the abuse is not their fault, and they are not alone. Help is available for those who suffer from domestic violence.
WHY DO VICTIMS STAY OR RETURN TO ABUSERS?
- A better question is, “Why does the abuser choose to abuse?”
- The deck is stacked against the victim when confronted with leaving or not.
- Abusers work very hard to keep victims in relationships.
- There is a real fear of death or more abuse if they leave.
- A victim’s risk of getting killed greatly increases when they are in the process of leaving or have just left.
- On average, three women die at the hands of a current or former intimate partner every day.
- We, as a community, must do more to ensure the safety of victims when they leave.
- Batterers are very good at making victims think that the abuse is their fault. Victims often believe that if they caused the violence, they can also stop it.
- Victims stay because they are made to think they cannot survive on their own, financially or otherwise. Often abusers create a financial situation that makes leaving nearly impossible.
- Survivors sometimes want the abuse to end, not the relationship.
- A survivor may return to the abuser because that’s the person she the survivor fell in love with, and she believes his promises to change. It’s not easy for anyone to let go of hopes and dreams.
WHAT ARE THE WARNING SIGNS?
- There is no way to spot an abuser in a crowd, but most abusers share some common characteristics.
- Some of the subtle warning signs include:
- They insist on moving too quickly into a relationship.
- They can be very charming and may seem too good to be true.
- They insist that you stop participating in leisure activities or spending time with family and friends.
- They are extremely jealous or controlling.
- They do not take responsibility for their actions and blame others for everything that goes wrong.
- They criticize their partner’s appearance and make frequent put-downs.
- Their words and actions don’t match.
- Any one of these behaviors may not indicate abusive actions, but it’s important to know the red flags and take time to explore them.
ARE MEN VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
- Yes, men are sometimes victims of domestic abuse.
- A 2001 U.S. study revealed that 85 percent of the victims were female with a male batterer. The other 15 percent includes intimate partner violence in gay and lesbian relationships and men who were battered by a female partner. [4]
- One in four women will be the victim of domestic violence at some point in her lifetime. [5]
- Women are 90-95 percent more likely to suffer domestic violence than are men. [6]
- When we talk about domestic violence, we’re not talking about men versus women or women versus men. We’re talking about violence versus peace. We’re talking about control versus respect.
- They are extremely jealous or controlling.
- Domestic violence affects us all, and all of us – women, children and men – must be part of the solution.
End Notes
[1] National Network to End Domestic Violence. Domestic Violence Counts 2009: A 24-hour census of domestic violence shelters and services. (March 8, 2010).
[2] Bachman, R. and Salzman, L., U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics. Violence Against Women: Estimates From the Redesigned Survey 1. (January 2000).
[3] U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics. Homicide Trends in the U.S. from 1976-2005. U.S. Department of Justice (2008).
[4] Rennison, C.M., U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics. Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001. (2003).
[5] U.S. Department of Justice. Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends. (1998).
[6] Rennison, C.M. and Welchans, S., U.S. Department of Justice. Intimate Partner Violence. (2000)